Chasm

Chasm

It’s been here for so long
I think it’s safe now
To slowly let it go

 

Too many memories
Attached to one feeling
Don’t you understand?
I notice everything

 

 I fantasize the end
For too many times
I sometimes think
It’s already done

 

There was a loud sound
An instant pain
I saw it happen
But they held it back again

 

If it isn’t true
Why does it remain?

 

I walk past it all
So far and so bravely
Only to see that
I never left my place

 

It’s disappointing
To think you’ve succeeded
When you’ve only
Gone further back
To where it all began
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I Belong in Another World

i_belong_in_another_world_by_liyaperfidious-dbe6rjh

I belong in another world
Born at the wrong time
At the wrong place
On an alien planet
Called Earth

I try to witness
The millions of stars
From here down below
But all beauty is corrupted
And had there been
Any still untouched
Pure
I could not feel a connection

Every kindness around me
Every cruelty I endure
There should be emotions
But I feel none

This isn’t the planet
I call home
Green turned grey
Joy turned empty
Heart turned stone
The endless monotone scenery
Nothing spared from greed
Whatever love there may have been
All long gone now

I never got the chance
To feel

I want to leave this place
But where can I go?
No planet in the entire universe
Could fulfil my dreams
Of belonging

 

Diagrams

d1d2d3

Idk when these are from. I’m assuming April?

So these are meant to be the prototypes of a new series I had planned. They are automatic writings and drawings based on things I was reading at the time as well as my own immediate thoughts. I wanted to transform them into a more finished work. Unfortunately, I have no motivation to do it anymore.

Drawn using white pen on black (Daiso book) paper.
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Nightside

Nightside

I knew it was time
The destination was within sight
But I couldn’t arrive

It ties me down
To a constant state
of despair and rage
Memories eclipsed any joy
I could have felt

I let it destroy myself
Yet reconstruct
the lives of others
Atonement
For an irreparable past

Frustration, satisfaction
Desire, disgust
Unable to be discerned
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Irrelevant

a

I am unable to connect. The system is not built for such a purpose. How do the many others smile and laugh? How do they touch and feel? Suffering upon suffering, I amount to nothing, only able to recall undesirable memories with absolute precision. It’s always on repeat in my mind, a flawless machine never worn out. Every occurrence that is meant to be a mark of accomplishment will always remind me of the failure that is. Every event that is to bring happiness ends up being the most traumatic experience yet. I extrapolate my future with the knowledge that I have. Without the slightest attempt at shaping it, it unravels itself. A formless creature of despondency. But the worst part of all is to grow numb to all of it, unfazed by the sadness of existence.

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