Alex Rigaut


Trapped in the idea of their childhood
And lost in the ambitions of their former self
They dream of becoming an intellectual being

Existing purely for sciences
Unaware of the world outside
They believed in their own illusion too strongly
That slowly they ended up killing themselves
But it didn’t matter

They exalt death!
Just as others exalt life

It Is

He started crying and he didn’t understand why. He picked up a paintbrush, now a foreign companion, bringing back memories from so far away. Some things so past you shouldn’t feel anything when you recall them. But again, it always hurts. It hurts when you forget, it hurts when you remember. 3 years seemed like 90, and it echoes in his mind about what he could’ve been and what he couldn’t surpass. There is no respect and tolerance for failure. It takes just one mistake to lose everything. Every friend he ever knew and loved couldn’t understand. The paints scattered on the floor, a reminder of his responsibility. He touched them but he couldn’t feel. Whatever joy he once had in documenting his journey with these companions, it was all lost. He trembles at the thought that his future is fixed, that this is how it is and how it will be: a constant chagrin and endless despair. Strangers and friends are alike in ignorance. He lied to them all, but they never knew him so they thought he was the telling the truth. No one cared enough to ask and to accept. He stared at the empty canvas for hours on end, too afraid to begin, too afraid to do nothing. And every second to him is a lifetime of suffering. Can’t you hear, don’t you listen?

– 16 March 2017

Burnt Out

He’d blend in with the rest on the city streets. Another faceless man to walk by, plain and fatigued.

He is lost in the thoughts of a childhood he never experienced. Everything was better because it never happened. Every success praised, every failure comforted. The young child is inspired and full of dreams. In his eyes not a hint of distress and the only tears he shed were tears of happiness. He is among friends, unaware of what solitude felt. He would go on exceeding expectations and live every day of enjoyment. Birthdays are celebrated. Smiles and laughter. They all love him. He could feel.

His only wish was for it to be… but it’s only better because it never happened. He sits alone now, holding his knees and staring at the vacant space of the suffocating room. He is the child of dreams, he is the man of delusions. How pathetic it is, to be killed by memories of a fictional past. So, selfishly consider that his pain is nothing compared to others’.

– 17 March 2017

Nova [A poem of an original character]

Above the ground
Of snow and silence
Overlooking the cities
A future peace
But still an enemy within

In this infinite universe
I could travel anywhere
Go against myself
I could be free
Though I may be
Out there alone

I drift away aimlessly
Into a space
Made of synthetic dreams
But somehow
It feels good to fall deeply
Into cosmic memories
Long forgotten

My happiness
Is somewhere
Beyond the stars
If I only knew

More little experiments…

It seems that my execution series has made me unable to execute more artwork. Pffft.
So for the past few months I have been having an “art block” for my Perfidious drawings.

But I’ve also been trying to make artworks differently. I’ve tried to find artists which inspire me and try to do as they do, but not an exact copy, of course. This time, my photograph edits.


They may not look as impressive as I want to yet, but I like these, especially “Come and Join Us”, “Reset” as well as “Impartial”. So that’s 3/5!

Execution Series

As I watched my childhood cartoon series, Prince of Tennis, I came across a character by the name of Tono Atsukyo. He plays tennis violently and uses execution methods as his signature playstyle. He mentions the lack of brutal execution methods in the present day and expresses his dissatisfaction about this.

Watching this made me think further of the notion: Wrong-doers all deserve their own punishment, and those who do good will be rewarded. Is death penalty too inhumane or should it be implemented in every country? Is it not the crime committed that is inhumane? If it was something they would regret doing, they should have thought long enough before they did it. Should the upholders of law re-evaluate whether they should execute a person for their crimes, when the criminal themselves did not stop to think about others’ sentiments when they committed the crime?

The problem with people is that they involve emotions at the wrong places. While it‘s good to forgive others for the mistakes they made, the mistakes are also something that the individual must pay for. Only then, they could be equal to an innocent. If you kill a man, then it’s only fair that you are killed too. (It’s important to note that I don’t believe that death penalty is considered the same as murdering someone. It’s more to punishing them.)

But do criminals have their reasons for doing what they do? It could be their mix of socioeconomic background and personality that drove them to this path. I decided to delve into possible situations of what could be going on in their minds as they commit crimes in order to rationalise and understand the emotions better. Despite acknowledging the inmates’ possible rationale, it does not imply that I regard their sins as acceptable. I look from a vantage point of neutrality, without the involvement of emotions for them. It happened, that is all there is to it.

We all make mistakes; the difference is whether we accept that fact as well as how we deal with the aftermath. As I am heavily inspired by Jacques Rigaut, I see death as the most sanctified state, the culmination of our existence. If the person had done others wrong, this belief is further supported because they are given their due punishment. Upon their death, their debts are paid. On the other hand, I believe that death is also meaningless because it comes for us all; it is a common occurrence.

There are some people who claim it is justifiable that those who have committed crimes are tortured. I disagree. An execution would suffice.

In general, the execution methods were used merely as guidelines to making these artwork. Alongside the artwork, I’ve included my “Perfidious Thoughts”. Each tell a story of their own. Enjoy!

In the School of Thought, don’t think

There’s this gallery here, at Publika called Segaris Art Centre, that had invited many schools to take part in their exhibition “School of Thought”. And among the many schools, my college was invited. So that means I too.  I was excited. I asked them if I could showcase all of my Execution series and they said yes. I was surprised. I had a total of 9 artworks (I’ll make a new post to compile them all).

Before the exhibition…
They e-mailed me the invitation on the day that was the deadline for the submission of artwork itself. How could they have expected a speedy response? I responded anyway. I had to tell them a few times what I want, what I meant. I think it’s a language barrier thing, if not that they are too stressed out because deadline approaches. If they don’t want to rush, I don’t understand why they couldn’t have started on it sooner? Another thing was that the person I had to contact didn’t seem like she was even listening to a thing I was saying. She was friendly sounding, yes, but also rude to not let me finish my sentences.

We had to sign an agreement, saying that we give them permission for them to display the work, that our work should be ready to hang, we pay for frames, etc. Thankfully I already had them all framed because of the graduation exhibition. Then I gave them all 9 artworks. (Yes, I had to ask help from my father, whom by the way, I don’t live with. He had to drive an hour’s drive to get to where I am, and another hour to get to Publika, while carrying all 9 artworks in the car. It was difficult but I thought it’d be worth the hassle.)

Nearing the exhibition date…
Suddenly… When the opening night drew near, they said they’ll only choose 1 artwork to display in the main gallery and another to display in their second gallery. My artwork included my Perfidious Thoughts (poems) printed on foam board to be displayed together. I had to reprint them all because the first foam board printing from my graduation exhibition was damaged and ink went weird. I gave them these and told them about it. Still disappointed that they didn’t say earlier that they only needed 2-3 artworks only. Don’t they know how much easier it would’ve been to ferry just 3 artworks, instead of 9?!

The exhibition itself…
On the opening night, I attended, only to find that my artwork was displayed WITHOUT my poem. They basically said it would look better that way. That isn’t the worst of it. The worst is that they got my artwork title wrong! And all the dimensions, medium… I’ve expressed my discontent to them to which they responded without much concern. And all that re-printed foam board costed me RM135… and for what? They don’t even display it.
Oh, by the way, if it matters, the VIP guest was the crown prince of the state.

[Hover on the images to find out which one is my work!]

School of Thought… I wondered what they meant by that when they didn’t allow my Perfidious Thoughts to be displayed with my artwork. Are all galleries like this? I’ve heard good stories about galleries elsewhere. Does that mean I’m just unlucky enough to have to deal with this?

The exhibition will end in a few days but I will take a few months to recover from this disappointment.