despair

Chasm

Chasm

It’s been here for so long
I think it’s safe now
To slowly let it go

 

Too many memories
Attached to one feeling
Don’t you understand?
I notice everything

 

 I fantasize the end
For too many times
I sometimes think
It’s already done

 

There was a loud sound
An instant pain
I saw it happen
But they held it back again

 

If it isn’t true
Why does it remain?

 

I walk past it all
So far and so bravely
Only to see that
I never left my place

 

It’s disappointing
To think you’ve succeeded
When you’ve only
Gone further back
To where it all began
.
.
.

Nightside

Nightside

I knew it was time
The destination was within sight
But I couldn’t arrive

It ties me down
To a constant state
of despair and rage
Memories eclipsed any joy
I could have felt

I let it destroy myself
Yet reconstruct
the lives of others
Atonement
For an irreparable past

Frustration, satisfaction
Desire, disgust
Unable to be discerned
.
.
.

Burnt Out

He’d blend in with the rest on the city streets. Another faceless man to walk by, plain and fatigued.

He is lost in the thoughts of a childhood he never experienced. Everything was better because it never happened. Every success praised, every failure comforted. The young child is inspired and full of dreams. In his eyes not a hint of distress and the only tears he shed were tears of happiness. He is among friends, unaware of what solitude felt. He would go on exceeding expectations and live every day of enjoyment. Birthdays are celebrated. Smiles and laughter. They all love him. He could feel.

His only wish was for it to be… but it’s only better because it never happened. He sits alone now, holding his knees and staring at the vacant space of the suffocating room. He is the child of dreams, he is the man of delusions. How pathetic it is, to be killed by memories of a fictional past. So, selfishly consider that his pain is nothing compared to others’.

– 17 March 2017