poem

Partial Consciousness

I feel their darkness
gradually permeate
I become like an insect
captured in a palm of a monster

In a corner
they stood
facing the wall
I don’t have to see their faces
to feel the apprehension
generated by their stillness

I heard the world around me
shaking and thumping
but there was nothing

I tell myself that
nothing can harm me
for as long as I am
in the light of God

I believe in God’s protection
He has power over all
In a single thought
if he wishes it to go
it will go

But
deep in my belief
no matter how strong
here under his angel’s wings
I feel the presence
of the shadow
All around me was darkness
that sends me back
to disorder
I strayed from his path
I could not return

The shadows have smelled my fear
their assembly follows
there is a door but
anxiety overrules me

I walk far from it
past every corner
but still I could
hear the Devil’s footsteps
drawing near

[11 September 2017]

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Interruption

1 (“Higher”)
I pride myself
in meaningless numbers
I rise
When others sink
I achieve
all they couldn’t

2 (“A Minor Setback”)
Ephemeral and abrupt
Progress came to a halt
Emotions erupt
transforming self-reliance
into self-repugnance

As I see
there is nothing left to gain
I became
afraid of who I was
Drenched in shame
I turned into them
a being without a name

3 (“Longevity”)
The hums of machines
Its purrs so deep
it sings me to sleep
But in every slumber
underlies
a permanent unease

The sound of warplanes
unfeeling and everlasting
taking me back
to every battle fought
to every battle lost

The pieces of me
scattered in the ocean
some washed ashore
I picked up what I could
All diamond and gold
in my hands
they turn into coal

[29 August 2017]

 

Chasm

Chasm

It’s been here for so long
I think it’s safe now
To slowly let it go

 

Too many memories
Attached to one feeling
Don’t you understand?
I notice everything

 

 I fantasize the end
For too many times
I sometimes think
It’s already done

 

There was a loud sound
An instant pain
I saw it happen
But they held it back again

 

If it isn’t true
Why does it remain?

 

I walk past it all
So far and so bravely
Only to see that
I never left my place

 

It’s disappointing
To think you’ve succeeded
When you’ve only
Gone further back
To where it all began
.
.
.

I Belong in Another World

i_belong_in_another_world_by_liyaperfidious-dbe6rjh

I belong in another world
Born at the wrong time
At the wrong place
On an alien planet
Called Earth

I try to witness
The millions of stars
From here down below
But all beauty is corrupted
And had there been
Any still untouched
Pure
I could not feel a connection

Every kindness around me
Every cruelty I endure
There should be emotions
But I feel none

This isn’t the planet
I call home
Green turned grey
Joy turned empty
Heart turned stone
The endless monotone scenery
Nothing spared from greed
Whatever love there may have been
All long gone now

I never got the chance
To feel

I want to leave this place
But where can I go?
No planet in the entire universe
Could fulfil my dreams
Of belonging

 

Nightside

Nightside

I knew it was time
The destination was within sight
But I couldn’t arrive

It ties me down
To a constant state
of despair and rage
Memories eclipsed any joy
I could have felt

I let it destroy myself
Yet reconstruct
the lives of others
Atonement
For an irreparable past

Frustration, satisfaction
Desire, disgust
Unable to be discerned
.
.
.

Alex Rigaut

rigaut

Trapped in the idea of their childhood
And lost in the ambitions of their former self
They dream of becoming an intellectual being

Existing purely for sciences
Unaware of the world outside
They believed in their own illusion too strongly
That slowly they ended up killing themselves
But it didn’t matter

They exalt death!
Just as others exalt life

It Is

He started crying and he didn’t understand why. He picked up a paintbrush, now a foreign companion, bringing back memories from so far away. Some things so past you shouldn’t feel anything when you recall them. But again, it always hurts. It hurts when you forget, it hurts when you remember. 3 years seemed like 90, and it echoes in his mind about what he could’ve been and what he couldn’t surpass. There is no respect and tolerance for failure. It takes just one mistake to lose everything. Every friend he ever knew and loved couldn’t understand. The paints scattered on the floor, a reminder of his responsibility. He touched them but he couldn’t feel. Whatever joy he once had in documenting his journey with these companions, it was all lost. He trembles at the thought that his future is fixed, that this is how it is and how it will be: a constant chagrin and endless despair. Strangers and friends are alike in ignorance. He lied to them all, but they never knew him so they thought he was the telling the truth. No one cared enough to ask and to accept. He stared at the empty canvas for hours on end, too afraid to begin, too afraid to do nothing. And every second to him is a lifetime of suffering. Can’t you hear, don’t you listen?

– 16 March 2017